Nakhoda, Khalifah?

Nakhoda, Khalifah?

Khalifah, membimbing
Nakhoda, menunjuk arah
Khalifah, membawa ke jalan yang benar
Nakhoda, mengarahkan hala tuju

Serupa tapi tak sama
Hikmah jadi beza
Hikmah pengantara bijak dan emosi
Hikmah, alangkah indah?

I don't know anymore...

I am dumbfounded ~ it's hurting and I have no one to turn to. It's weird because I have people around me, yet it seemed nobody can really help me out in this time of need. I felt like screaming on top of my head, I did in my mind. I felt like I cannot breath anymore, like my chest is pulled out of its place ~ I am deeply wounded.

I was labeled a lot of things for the past few years when I started to feel so intensely about a particular person. I never thought I could love a person that much, but it did happened and I am still longing for that person. But it just cut my heart into pieces that this is happening & he is not listening to the ache that I am feeling. I did not know that I am such a bad person before that I am deserved the punishments that I have been put through. I thought I have put the best efforts that I can in making sure everything is as per what it should be. But, I still fell short.. god, the tears are running fast right now.. I can't think..

I am only a girl, wanting to be loved and cared ~ I never thought that when you love someone, you should tear them into pieces when you think that the person is not doing things as per what you want. I don't think that we should use love to get the what we want in life.

But then again, I am just a fool in love ~ and I've let my heart crush again and again and again.. I just don't know anymore...