Trying to be cruel

i am not cruel by nature, in fact far from it. but this evil that is putting my life on hold is unleashing an ugly and cruel side of me. i don't like it, but i had enough of this shit in my life. i could not stand it anymore.

it is sad, in fact it is very, very frustrating. i am at a point of going nowhere. i feel like i am driving into hard bricks everyday. the worst part is that somehow this will affect me elsewhere. you can call me whatever names you want to, but at this point of time - I LOVE MYSELF more. you can do what you want to do, you perfect being as you claim to be - but i am really confident that Allah will always be with me and protect me, Insya Allah.

hope i can get out of this very, very soon because this situation sucks! I have to do something about it, no more sitting around and being pushed around. please, gimme strength..