It's always my fault...

Well, I don't know what am I suppose to feel right now. It's a mixture of emotions that run through my veins and also a lot of buzzing in my head. I really don't understand what is wrong with the current picture, but I definitely know that something is not right.

I always believe that nobody is perfect and everybody make mistakes in their life. That's why I always go for the positive side of people rather than dwelling on people's mistakes and disadvantages. Forgiveness is like a keyword in my life. Everybody deserves a chance to make things right. I believe that...

But when people decides that the best action to PUNISH mistakes are by doing back the same thing to the original person who made the mistakes, I'm totally lost in my thoughts. All things considered, I concluded that these are the things that you could not control:- what other people wants to do, what other people think & other people mindset, mentality & attitude towards some issues.

The bottom line is I am pretty frustrated and sad of what had happened. Hey, I am not perfect, I know that. But so are you. If other people can accept others' fault, why can't you? But, who am I to decide what you want out of your life. It's always gonna be my fault, I know. Because to you how I feel and what I say is no value to you. How unfortunate. Very unfortunate.

But I think I am managing this better than before. There are less than 10 days before I am given the opportunity of my life to visit one of the most magical place in the whole world. And that is more important that what I am feeling right now. If people does not care, Allah surely loves me to have given me this rezeki to go there. And that is more important than anything. So I am trying to take what had happened as part of the challenge Allah gives me to be more stronger and to give me more time to prepare myself before I am at His special place. I need to prepare myself, I need to strengthen my inner beliefs. May the visit and doa gives me strength and answers that I really need in order to continue my life journey. If you think that I am not good enuf or I am error-prone or I am not valuable and important in your life, it is ok. It's hurting me, but it is still OK. Because I always believe good things happen to good people and strongly belief Allah will always love His servants no matter what....